Within

Today I was thinking, I know, I shouldn't because I do too much of it, but I was thinking that I'm the kinda girl that would die of a broken heart. I give myself so fully and without regrets.
I don't regret being with any of my ex's nor do I regret leaving any of them. Everything happens for a reason I believe. Yes I know, cliche.
So then why am I so resistant to all these wonderful things that are happening in my life?
I don't have the answer for that yet. Wish I did in a way but it will come.
My week has been full and confusing. I'm learning things about myself so quickly that it's getting overwhelming to sort through things. As a result I'm quite distracted when dealing with everyday living.
I always thought it was patience I needed and I suppose I still do sometimes but I think it's more of an identity thing. I don't have the means right now to do what I think I'd like to do so I feel a little lost.
I'm getting a car soon I hope so maybe that will help.
I love and respect the man I'm with, I just miss him when he goes and it bothers me. I don't know how to not miss him as I've never had to deal with that emotion like this. Usually this feeling would come when a relationship has ended and so I didn't see them again. It's like an empty heavy feeling. This is what I'm going to work on this week.
Finding a way to deal with all the stuff going on. Some kind of system that my brain can make sense of and then I will get things done.
I've slacked pretty badly with my own personal things in the past few weeks and need to get back on track.
I feel better now too so it wont be so hard to do it!